The hcg is 25 and that's a BFN. The receptionist clearly feels bad telling me, so I become unusually cheerful and deny that I ever hoped it would be positive. We're funny things, humans and our responses and defensive mechanisms would make any alien laugh.
Contact AV who then give me false hope by saying I should have a second test in 2 days time. I rush to computer and start checking to see if it's possible. It clearly isn't. Contact AV and say that I will take a home test on Sunday.
There's still a tiny bit of me that hopes it can be positive...
Friday 29 February 2008
Thursday 28 February 2008
In which P & K are at the end of the 2ww and their tether
The 2 week wait has been a nightmare. My boobs are so sore I can hardly bear to have them touched and I constantly look for any sign of bleeding or sickness. The injections are ok and K does his best with them. I so want to be pregnant, but know that it's really unlikely. Am beginning to feel that AV really did overstim our donor - so many eggs and all poor quality...unless the first one was good and stayed good...but then what about the injection that I didn't have ...and why didn't I have some strange medication that everyone else seems to have had to drink before tx...just not convinced that AV is very organised now...bleah.
Decided not to home test and so gave in sample to docs for hcg test. The hcg injections should be out of my blood stream by now. Told to ring tomorrow....
Decided not to home test and so gave in sample to docs for hcg test. The hcg injections should be out of my blood stream by now. Told to ring tomorrow....
Sunday 17 February 2008
In which P discovers a reason to stay in Russia for ever
DAY 11
Got up at leisurely and reasonable time. Packed. All out by 12. Left money, sweets & Russian dvds for staff. Decided to leave luggage in hotel to collect later and went to local mall to kill last 5 hours before flight due. Stopped for chocolate and beer. The chocolate drink is just the best thing ever – it’s melted chocolate in a cup.
Why did I not know about this earlier? Am horrified that this will be my last. Did a bit of last minute shopping for Russian sweets for my son Tom and some jewellery for me. 
Back to hotel and one last drink at the Inter bar of the Hotel, where they brewed their own beer and had the most supercilious staff known to man. Nearly had a punch up when one young girl came over and spoke to us in Russian. Neither of us had a clue what she was talking about and then it twigged. She wanted us to stop taking photos. It seems we had a very suspicious looking pair of young men in our sights , cavorting with young ladies of even more dubious means. Oops. K stopped taking pics and they seemed to settle down, but we were glad to get out of there.
The taxi was punctual. Drove us there without saying a word and yet again, refused a tip. Domododevo was a very new airport and is pristine inside. We pottered about,
buying duty free, and finally got on our plane. 
Had a bit of a wait because they had to de-ice the wings (had to keep telling myself this is normal, they do it every night etc) and sort out the cabin pressure, which had all our ears popping unpleasantly for about 30 mins. I got to the point where I thought I couldn't bear it any longer, a strange kind of panic taking hold and then it settled.
An easy flight home, yet again early, in spite of leaving late! The sight of London sprawled out like a million glittering yellow stars below us, is one I shall never forget. Beautiful.
Got up at leisurely and reasonable time. Packed. All out by 12. Left money, sweets & Russian dvds for staff. Decided to leave luggage in hotel to collect later and went to local mall to kill last 5 hours before flight due. Stopped for chocolate and beer. The chocolate drink is just the best thing ever – it’s melted chocolate in a cup.
Why did I not know about this earlier? Am horrified that this will be my last. Did a bit of last minute shopping for Russian sweets for my son Tom and some jewellery for me. 
Back to hotel and one last drink at the Inter bar of the Hotel, where they brewed their own beer and had the most supercilious staff known to man. Nearly had a punch up when one young girl came over and spoke to us in Russian. Neither of us had a clue what she was talking about and then it twigged. She wanted us to stop taking photos. It seems we had a very suspicious looking pair of young men in our sights , cavorting with young ladies of even more dubious means. Oops. K stopped taking pics and they seemed to settle down, but we were glad to get out of there.
The taxi was punctual. Drove us there without saying a word and yet again, refused a tip. Domododevo was a very new airport and is pristine inside. We pottered about,
buying duty free, and finally got on our plane. 
Had a bit of a wait because they had to de-ice the wings (had to keep telling myself this is normal, they do it every night etc) and sort out the cabin pressure, which had all our ears popping unpleasantly for about 30 mins. I got to the point where I thought I couldn't bear it any longer, a strange kind of panic taking hold and then it settled.An easy flight home, yet again early, in spite of leaving late! The sight of London sprawled out like a million glittering yellow stars below us, is one I shall never forget. Beautiful.
Saturday 16 February 2008
In which P & K discover that Moscow can get very cold indeed
DAY 10
Got up fairly late, had the usual large breakfast.
Then back to the room for K to do the injection. Poor thing, he really wasn’t looking forward to stabbing me and truthfully, I wasn’t either. He then managed to fall at the first hurdle by cutting his hand when cracking open the glass vials. The nurse had simply snapped off the top – he managed to shatter it. Now I’m thinking am I going to be injected with ground glass and how long would it take to kill me if I was? Fortunately the broken vial was the set powder and so it was easy to see that there was no glass in it. When K finally managed stem the bleeding and set up the syringe, I lay on the bed and gritted my teeth. But it was totally painless, just a little uncomfortable. I asked him to inject slowly as it seemed to be the speed of the injection that caused the pain and that certainly worked.
We decided to make the most of our last day. And it was really, really, really, really cold,
with a very nasty bitter wind that swept into your coat and burned into your soul. Well, something like that.
We wanted to see the Pushkin art gallery, but K misread the map and we got to see Pushkin's statue instead.
However, I did get to see Rachmaninov’s monument and as he’s my favourite composer, I was pleased to be able to do that.
Back to the tube and saw the beautiful Cathedral of Christ the Saviour - a very famous Moscow landmark. This was just outside our metro stop.
Not to mention these glorious wooden churches scattered all around. And then just beyond it we saw the stunning (and massive) St Peter's Statue in the bay 
and decide we must walk to see it. It nearly kills me. I have never been so tired and sooooo cold. My hands have lost all feeling and I’m holding them under my arms with 2 pairs of gloves on. Useless. We are hungry & thirsty too, but can’t pluck up the courage to walk into what looks like a posh restaurant in our casual gear. We struggle on and finally get to the Pushkin - it’s warmth is so very very welcoming. And then we find out it’s the WRONG PUSHKIN!! This one just celebrates the author. The damn art gallery is another mile down the road. I need the loo for my next lot of pills and am astonished to find we have to take a sheet of loo roll from the holder outside (and watched by a babushka) before we go to the loo. Had no idea they expected us to steal it. Or worse, use too much.
Warmed, the walk to the Pushkin Art Gallery is not so bad.
Still shocked to find we are in the wrong part and that the impressionist gallery is down the road, but so tired and cold I simply don’t care.
We stay put. I get told off twice for leaning on exhibits (more collapsing really) and K gets told off for taking photos.
Our last sight of the beautiful Cathedral
Tube back to Galereya Vodolyei. Just outside the ponies were being walked by their young owners - this time was sad though, because as the pony nuzzled me for a stroke, the owner hit it hard and shouted at it. I felt so sad for the poor animal, stuck out there in those brutal conditions with a brutal owner. I hate the helplessness of situations like that.
Went into the mall and had really nice meal upstairs at Bar & Grill (bap & rpNAb). Vegetarian lasagne, which was practically what it said on the menu - only in Cyrillic!
Really pleased that I can now read all the menus. We are both surprised that so much makes sense. Even Suchi is written as Suchi - just in Cyrillic ie C= S Y=oo W= Sh and backward N= ee bAP = Bar (as in the one above too)
Back to hotel and collapse on bed. Utterly exhausted. More than I’ve ever been in my life. Eventually watch The Big Lebowsky. Not bad.
Got up fairly late, had the usual large breakfast.
Then back to the room for K to do the injection. Poor thing, he really wasn’t looking forward to stabbing me and truthfully, I wasn’t either. He then managed to fall at the first hurdle by cutting his hand when cracking open the glass vials. The nurse had simply snapped off the top – he managed to shatter it. Now I’m thinking am I going to be injected with ground glass and how long would it take to kill me if I was? Fortunately the broken vial was the set powder and so it was easy to see that there was no glass in it. When K finally managed stem the bleeding and set up the syringe, I lay on the bed and gritted my teeth. But it was totally painless, just a little uncomfortable. I asked him to inject slowly as it seemed to be the speed of the injection that caused the pain and that certainly worked.
We decided to make the most of our last day. And it was really, really, really, really cold,
with a very nasty bitter wind that swept into your coat and burned into your soul. Well, something like that.We wanted to see the Pushkin art gallery, but K misread the map and we got to see Pushkin's statue instead.
However, I did get to see Rachmaninov’s monument and as he’s my favourite composer, I was pleased to be able to do that.
Back to the tube and saw the beautiful Cathedral of Christ the Saviour - a very famous Moscow landmark. This was just outside our metro stop.
Not to mention these glorious wooden churches scattered all around. And then just beyond it we saw the stunning (and massive) St Peter's Statue in the bay 
and decide we must walk to see it. It nearly kills me. I have never been so tired and sooooo cold. My hands have lost all feeling and I’m holding them under my arms with 2 pairs of gloves on. Useless. We are hungry & thirsty too, but can’t pluck up the courage to walk into what looks like a posh restaurant in our casual gear. We struggle on and finally get to the Pushkin - it’s warmth is so very very welcoming. And then we find out it’s the WRONG PUSHKIN!! This one just celebrates the author. The damn art gallery is another mile down the road. I need the loo for my next lot of pills and am astonished to find we have to take a sheet of loo roll from the holder outside (and watched by a babushka) before we go to the loo. Had no idea they expected us to steal it. Or worse, use too much.Warmed, the walk to the Pushkin Art Gallery is not so bad.
Still shocked to find we are in the wrong part and that the impressionist gallery is down the road, but so tired and cold I simply don’t care.
We stay put. I get told off twice for leaning on exhibits (more collapsing really) and K gets told off for taking photos.Our last sight of the beautiful Cathedral
Tube back to Galereya Vodolyei. Just outside the ponies were being walked by their young owners - this time was sad though, because as the pony nuzzled me for a stroke, the owner hit it hard and shouted at it. I felt so sad for the poor animal, stuck out there in those brutal conditions with a brutal owner. I hate the helplessness of situations like that.
Went into the mall and had really nice meal upstairs at Bar & Grill (bap & rpNAb). Vegetarian lasagne, which was practically what it said on the menu - only in Cyrillic!
Really pleased that I can now read all the menus. We are both surprised that so much makes sense. Even Suchi is written as Suchi - just in Cyrillic ie C= S Y=oo W= Sh and backward N= ee bAP = Bar (as in the one above too)
Back to hotel and collapse on bed. Utterly exhausted. More than I’ve ever been in my life. Eventually watch The Big Lebowsky. Not bad.
Friday 15 February 2008
In which P & K go to the Kremlin
DAY 9
Snow had fallen about 1 or 2 inches.
Everything looks beautiful, cleaner and prettier now - also a lot less dangerous to walk on. Left all our clothes in the bath to soak. 
Caught mid morning tube to Moscow centre. Nice to have such a direct route. A little snow falling, which got us both excited. Bitterly bitterly cold – temp has dropped to -14.
Tube and then walked to Red Square First.
The street sellers were out and we bought a marishka. I wanted one with a pretty face to add to my collection. Got a nice one with St.Basil's on the front. Cost about 18 pounds – which seemed steep until I realized I wouldn't do all that much painting (5 dolls and tons of detail) for so little.
Temp dropped further. Decided to go to the armoury and inner Kremlin.
Stopped at the ticket booth and then had to empty pockets of all metal to get in. Nasty when so cold, because it meant taking your gloves off and we really didn’t want to do that. I really regretted having wool gloves – leather would have been so much better.
Churches lovely. Would recommend all of them. 
There was one magical moment in the stunning Church of the Annunciation, full of amazing frescos and containing the remains of most of Ivan the Terrible’s relatives. A beautiful choral like voice swam around the pillars and as I listened I realized it was more than one. I then saw that the vagabond looking quartet of people who had been sitting by the entrance (and I’d mistaken for mourners) were now singing. It was a truly stunning sound – almost other worldly.
Unfortunately the armoury didn’t open until after lunch, at 2.30, so we walked around the inner Kremlin very thirsty, tired, cold and hungry – there are no shops there. Finally got inside the Armoury, and went to the café straight away. Had a drink and cake. Felt much better. Nice gift shop with same Faberge replica eggs identical to the ones we’d bought at the market. Horrified to see that the prices were the same as we’d got at the market (after all that negotiation!). Found the loos much needed for that afternoon’s progesterone tablets. Loved the museum and would put it on a must see for any tourist. The costumes, coaches, antiquities were all amazing.
Went to Sbarro for early dinner.
Had slices of pizza which were cold by the time we got them to the table – they were just too busy. And that’s a shame cos they do a wicked vegetarian selection. I had a spinach pizza pie – yummy. Decided to have a pud once the queues had gone and I was spoilt for choice, had the cheese cake and that was heaven on a plate. 
Tube home and stopped at nearest mall. Got more dvds. Exhausted. But walking back in the snow in the dark was just so romantic.
Discovered that what we thought was just a car showroom actually has a couple of restaurants underneath it, so that's where those people were going last night.
Rested. K did washing for me. Stomach still feels tight. Watched Mr. Deeds, which only confirms that Adam Sandler is the biggest over rated pile of rubbish I've ever seen. Why didn't they give the role to Steve Bushemi – he would have been brilliant.
Decided to have a go at taking the metipred with water – found that by taking a mouthful of water and throwing it to the back of my tongue, then drinking more water, I could avoid it most of the horrid bitterness.
Snow had fallen about 1 or 2 inches.
Everything looks beautiful, cleaner and prettier now - also a lot less dangerous to walk on. Left all our clothes in the bath to soak. 
Caught mid morning tube to Moscow centre. Nice to have such a direct route. A little snow falling, which got us both excited. Bitterly bitterly cold – temp has dropped to -14.Tube and then walked to Red Square First.
The street sellers were out and we bought a marishka. I wanted one with a pretty face to add to my collection. Got a nice one with St.Basil's on the front. Cost about 18 pounds – which seemed steep until I realized I wouldn't do all that much painting (5 dolls and tons of detail) for so little.Temp dropped further. Decided to go to the armoury and inner Kremlin.
Stopped at the ticket booth and then had to empty pockets of all metal to get in. Nasty when so cold, because it meant taking your gloves off and we really didn’t want to do that. I really regretted having wool gloves – leather would have been so much better.
Churches lovely. Would recommend all of them. 
There was one magical moment in the stunning Church of the Annunciation, full of amazing frescos and containing the remains of most of Ivan the Terrible’s relatives. A beautiful choral like voice swam around the pillars and as I listened I realized it was more than one. I then saw that the vagabond looking quartet of people who had been sitting by the entrance (and I’d mistaken for mourners) were now singing. It was a truly stunning sound – almost other worldly.Unfortunately the armoury didn’t open until after lunch, at 2.30, so we walked around the inner Kremlin very thirsty, tired, cold and hungry – there are no shops there. Finally got inside the Armoury, and went to the café straight away. Had a drink and cake. Felt much better. Nice gift shop with same Faberge replica eggs identical to the ones we’d bought at the market. Horrified to see that the prices were the same as we’d got at the market (after all that negotiation!). Found the loos much needed for that afternoon’s progesterone tablets. Loved the museum and would put it on a must see for any tourist. The costumes, coaches, antiquities were all amazing.
Went to Sbarro for early dinner.
Had slices of pizza which were cold by the time we got them to the table – they were just too busy. And that’s a shame cos they do a wicked vegetarian selection. I had a spinach pizza pie – yummy. Decided to have a pud once the queues had gone and I was spoilt for choice, had the cheese cake and that was heaven on a plate. 
Tube home and stopped at nearest mall. Got more dvds. Exhausted. But walking back in the snow in the dark was just so romantic.
Discovered that what we thought was just a car showroom actually has a couple of restaurants underneath it, so that's where those people were going last night.
Rested. K did washing for me. Stomach still feels tight. Watched Mr. Deeds, which only confirms that Adam Sandler is the biggest over rated pile of rubbish I've ever seen. Why didn't they give the role to Steve Bushemi – he would have been brilliant.
Decided to have a go at taking the metipred with water – found that by taking a mouthful of water and throwing it to the back of my tongue, then drinking more water, I could avoid it most of the horrid bitterness.
Thursday 14 February 2008
In which P & K go to clinic for one last time
DAY 8
Had to get up early to get to clinic for 10. There had been a slight snowfall, so all looked much cleaner.
Managed to get the new and old tickets muddled and threw away the brand new one – looked in bin where I had just chucked it, but there were hundreds all identical. Felt really stupid. Decided it was the drugs making me loopy. Not to mention that I now have breasts that can open doors 5 minutes before me. Yet again, am confronted with a wonderful man who could have lost his temper with me, but instead just went a bit quiet (just like when I rear ended his sports car).
Arrived in plenty of time and shown in. Some mad woman kept talking to me – got quite noisy and eventually the nurse looking after the ward told her to shut up. After about 10 minutes, the nurse said I could go in, but she stopped me at the door. Wait, she said. Got out a syringe and stabbed me in the buttock with it. What was that for? I asked and she said to relax my uterus. Then I was told to wait a further 5 minutes. I explained I didn’t have one last time and she seemed to think I did. I think I’d know if I got stabbed in the bum. Began to think this could have ruined my chances of the Day 3 embie taking. Damn it. They must have forgot.
Go in and this time, room empty except for one doctor and one nurse. No translator. The nurse held my head down and I kept my mouth shut. All same as before. Olga comes in and I’m told only one blastocyst, all others failed. This worries me a lot. What are the chances that these 2 are ok then? Seems very slim indeed. Not to mention an important injection forgotten for the first.
Back to ward and back in bed, studying ceiling. This time told to wait for 15 minutes before loo and another 30 after that. Why the difference in times? Am totally convinced they messed up the first transfer – no injection and too short a rest period. Add to that the poor quality eggs – our donor was clearly over stimulated – and I am finding it almost impossible to be positive.
Then we are both taken to the first room we went to. Same big male nurse. Olga there to translate and we are shown how to snap the tops off the vials of hcg, add the liquid to the solid powder (which magically immediately became liquid) using one syringe. This seemed complicated enough – but then we had to take it up the other syringe and stab me in the bottom with it. Yikes! The nurse said he would do one now. Marked off my buttock into quadrants showed K where to put it and then OUUUUCH. It really hurt. I dreaded the thought of several more of these and if it hurt when the nurse did it, what would it be like when he did? I have a bit of a needle phobia, so I couldn’t do it at all.
We had to buy more medicines and pay the bill. It was a lot bigger than we expected. Paid by credit card. Decided I was well enough to walk and take the tube back.
Went to shopping centre near tube and had lunch at strange KFC franchise. Everywhere was Valentine's cakes and flowers.
Went downstairs to video/book store. Once again had a locker, but this one free and more for your convenience. Rather nice shop, a bit like WH Smith. Loved looking at the movie dvds and reading the titles and actors – funny how the Cyrillic looks so alien, yet it says an English word..but often with the Russian pronunciation. Some titles were just in Russian though – but you couldn’t tell until you tried to read them. Quite a laugh! Realised that some movies might not be in English - although l can now read the back of them which helps and often says if it is. DVDs one of the few things we found to be really cheap – about £3 – 5.
Back to hotel. Had an hour's sleep - really tired. Watched the Simpsons movie (which we both enjoyed), but the other 2 were all Russian with no English subtitles even, so they will have to go back. It started to snow. We watched it. Gosh, it was magical. Felt very happy and cosy in our little hideaway. Also discovered curtains had thick extra curtain - doh! – but rooms were very warm and very controllable heatwise anyway. Watched V and the Cock & Bull Story. Both enjoyable. Stomach felt odd like l was having uterine contractions (like in late pregnancy) only milder. Must be the uterine relaxant wearing off – again, worried that I should have had it for the first tx. Took first meti-pred. Had been warned this is an utterly bitter and disgusting pill, but found it difficult to swallow without touching tongue. It did and had bitter taste in my mouth for half an hour after. Washed all our clothes – hadn’t really packed enough for the weather and had ended up wearing the same things over and over.
Had to get up early to get to clinic for 10. There had been a slight snowfall, so all looked much cleaner.
Managed to get the new and old tickets muddled and threw away the brand new one – looked in bin where I had just chucked it, but there were hundreds all identical. Felt really stupid. Decided it was the drugs making me loopy. Not to mention that I now have breasts that can open doors 5 minutes before me. Yet again, am confronted with a wonderful man who could have lost his temper with me, but instead just went a bit quiet (just like when I rear ended his sports car).Arrived in plenty of time and shown in. Some mad woman kept talking to me – got quite noisy and eventually the nurse looking after the ward told her to shut up. After about 10 minutes, the nurse said I could go in, but she stopped me at the door. Wait, she said. Got out a syringe and stabbed me in the buttock with it. What was that for? I asked and she said to relax my uterus. Then I was told to wait a further 5 minutes. I explained I didn’t have one last time and she seemed to think I did. I think I’d know if I got stabbed in the bum. Began to think this could have ruined my chances of the Day 3 embie taking. Damn it. They must have forgot.
Go in and this time, room empty except for one doctor and one nurse. No translator. The nurse held my head down and I kept my mouth shut. All same as before. Olga comes in and I’m told only one blastocyst, all others failed. This worries me a lot. What are the chances that these 2 are ok then? Seems very slim indeed. Not to mention an important injection forgotten for the first.
Back to ward and back in bed, studying ceiling. This time told to wait for 15 minutes before loo and another 30 after that. Why the difference in times? Am totally convinced they messed up the first transfer – no injection and too short a rest period. Add to that the poor quality eggs – our donor was clearly over stimulated – and I am finding it almost impossible to be positive.
Then we are both taken to the first room we went to. Same big male nurse. Olga there to translate and we are shown how to snap the tops off the vials of hcg, add the liquid to the solid powder (which magically immediately became liquid) using one syringe. This seemed complicated enough – but then we had to take it up the other syringe and stab me in the bottom with it. Yikes! The nurse said he would do one now. Marked off my buttock into quadrants showed K where to put it and then OUUUUCH. It really hurt. I dreaded the thought of several more of these and if it hurt when the nurse did it, what would it be like when he did? I have a bit of a needle phobia, so I couldn’t do it at all.
We had to buy more medicines and pay the bill. It was a lot bigger than we expected. Paid by credit card. Decided I was well enough to walk and take the tube back.
Went to shopping centre near tube and had lunch at strange KFC franchise. Everywhere was Valentine's cakes and flowers.
Went downstairs to video/book store. Once again had a locker, but this one free and more for your convenience. Rather nice shop, a bit like WH Smith. Loved looking at the movie dvds and reading the titles and actors – funny how the Cyrillic looks so alien, yet it says an English word..but often with the Russian pronunciation. Some titles were just in Russian though – but you couldn’t tell until you tried to read them. Quite a laugh! Realised that some movies might not be in English - although l can now read the back of them which helps and often says if it is. DVDs one of the few things we found to be really cheap – about £3 – 5.Back to hotel. Had an hour's sleep - really tired. Watched the Simpsons movie (which we both enjoyed), but the other 2 were all Russian with no English subtitles even, so they will have to go back. It started to snow. We watched it. Gosh, it was magical. Felt very happy and cosy in our little hideaway. Also discovered curtains had thick extra curtain - doh! – but rooms were very warm and very controllable heatwise anyway. Watched V and the Cock & Bull Story. Both enjoyable. Stomach felt odd like l was having uterine contractions (like in late pregnancy) only milder. Must be the uterine relaxant wearing off – again, worried that I should have had it for the first tx. Took first meti-pred. Had been warned this is an utterly bitter and disgusting pill, but found it difficult to swallow without touching tongue. It did and had bitter taste in my mouth for half an hour after. Washed all our clothes – hadn’t really packed enough for the weather and had ended up wearing the same things over and over.
Wednesday 13 February 2008
In which P & K go to market
DAY 7
Check the internet again and find it was all too late re artwork.
Decided to go to lshmaravoa market.
But we got there much later than we wanted and the market was closing at 3. It was pretty though. 
There were still enough stalls around and we were surprised to find that so many stall holders spoke pigeon English and were very happy to banter. 
We got the hang of that and usually brought the price down by at least half, but I suspect that we were still paying over the odds. 
Bought some hats which were a necessity. I had brought to Russia a woollen hat, which did not keep my ears warm against the minus 12 temps. I put on a fluffy real fur hat (a leather cap with very deep maroon fur lining and flaps) and suddenly my ears were toasty warm. It cut out all that bitter wind in an instant and in an instant I realized why the majority of Muscovites wore fur. I am against fur and the wearing of it, but I own up.
I bought the hat. K bought a couple of proper army hats – all pretty good value. We then bought a present for my mum – the most beautiful Faberge style egg, which cost £50 – pretty steep, but I knew she’d love it.
Buy more tube tickets for tomorrow. And on the way back bought more food from the garage. Today was J's birthday - phoned her in evening. Mad noise. Can see she wasn’t missing me too much. All at home seemed well. Had tea of bread, ham and butter. Finally think I’m learning the Cyrillic alphabet. Wish I’d learned it before we came out!
Check the internet again and find it was all too late re artwork.
Decided to go to lshmaravoa market.
But we got there much later than we wanted and the market was closing at 3. It was pretty though. 
There were still enough stalls around and we were surprised to find that so many stall holders spoke pigeon English and were very happy to banter. 
We got the hang of that and usually brought the price down by at least half, but I suspect that we were still paying over the odds. 
Bought some hats which were a necessity. I had brought to Russia a woollen hat, which did not keep my ears warm against the minus 12 temps. I put on a fluffy real fur hat (a leather cap with very deep maroon fur lining and flaps) and suddenly my ears were toasty warm. It cut out all that bitter wind in an instant and in an instant I realized why the majority of Muscovites wore fur. I am against fur and the wearing of it, but I own up.
I bought the hat. K bought a couple of proper army hats – all pretty good value. We then bought a present for my mum – the most beautiful Faberge style egg, which cost £50 – pretty steep, but I knew she’d love it.Buy more tube tickets for tomorrow. And on the way back bought more food from the garage. Today was J's birthday - phoned her in evening. Mad noise. Can see she wasn’t missing me too much. All at home seemed well. Had tea of bread, ham and butter. Finally think I’m learning the Cyrillic alphabet. Wish I’d learned it before we came out!
Tuesday 12 February 2008
In which P & K get what they came for
DAY 6
Get up at 8, shower and go down to breakfast. Leave hotel at 9.15 and catch metro… do not pass go and do not go to the toilet! Walk to clinic. I can change into my slippers and don’t have to wear the funny green shoe covers. We wait for a few minutes and then Olga tells me to put on my slippers and calls me in.
I am taken to a small ward, with 4 beds. One girl is already preparing herself. l am given a green paper gown, big green feet things and a charming green shower cap, and instructed to strip from the waist down. l can leave my socks on and wear the t.shirt. l opted to wear one of my beloved's - Alice Cooper seemed frightening enough – as it would cover more. Olga explained that my tx would not be till the allotted 11.30, but we arrived early so l had to wait for another 45 minutes. This meant putting up with a very full bladder. The bed looks comfy, but decide not to lie on it. Read my book and get very nervous. The enormity of what we are doing actually hits me. Suddenly feel like running out into the snow screaming “I’ve changed my mind.” Eventually called in on the dot of 10.30.
Taken in to the theatre. About 8 people there. I am put back in the horror chair, with knees in stirrups and the feeling I am about to fall down through it. My woman bits protruding out for all to see. Nice. Nothing to cover me up. I decide not to ask K in, the indignity of it all is just too much. Can't see screen, but noticed it was still an ultrasound from the antiquities. Olga is there and that’s reassuring. Seat goes back. I start to talk, but Olga says I must not speak at all until they say I can. Didn’t expect that. My reaction to feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed is to joke about it. So suffer in silence. I can feel a metal thing go in, like the usual smear test. And then the doctor pressing on my increasingly sore bladder. Can hear a blowing sound. And that seems to be it. Then told not to lift head. Very difficult to heave body off chair/table and onto trolley, without lifting head or talking, but the nurse helps. Wheeled into ward again. Then several help me off trolley on to bed. Am told I must lie and be quiet and must not lift head. After 10 minutes I can go to the loo and then must wait a further 10 minutes before I can leave.
As I lie there, looking at the ceiling and wondering if I could reach my book without moving my head (I couldn’t), I ponder about what we have done. I think about the babies we lost and I hope that this time it will work. I even consider prayer, but I lost my faith the night I lost our first baby and I can’t see it ever coming back. I remember years ago when I was getting married the first time and our vicar told us all about the power of prayer. How he and his wife were very tired and went down on their knees and prayed. The next day he got a letter saying he’d won a holiday. He said, you just have to ask. Well, it seems a strange deity that gives a couple of weeks in Majorca to the vicar who’s a bit tired, but is happy to watch a much wanted baby die. Decide that this time it’s going to be alright and feel very relaxed. Find the little loo at the end of the ward and the relief is tremendous! Another 10 mins of rest and back to my beloved.
Decided to stay in at the hotel. K went out to forage for food and I sleep.
He brings back bananas! Have a snack for dinner in our room and then watched the Jack Black movie, Nacho Libra. Watchable, but pretty useless.
Get up at 8, shower and go down to breakfast. Leave hotel at 9.15 and catch metro… do not pass go and do not go to the toilet! Walk to clinic. I can change into my slippers and don’t have to wear the funny green shoe covers. We wait for a few minutes and then Olga tells me to put on my slippers and calls me in.
I am taken to a small ward, with 4 beds. One girl is already preparing herself. l am given a green paper gown, big green feet things and a charming green shower cap, and instructed to strip from the waist down. l can leave my socks on and wear the t.shirt. l opted to wear one of my beloved's - Alice Cooper seemed frightening enough – as it would cover more. Olga explained that my tx would not be till the allotted 11.30, but we arrived early so l had to wait for another 45 minutes. This meant putting up with a very full bladder. The bed looks comfy, but decide not to lie on it. Read my book and get very nervous. The enormity of what we are doing actually hits me. Suddenly feel like running out into the snow screaming “I’ve changed my mind.” Eventually called in on the dot of 10.30.
Taken in to the theatre. About 8 people there. I am put back in the horror chair, with knees in stirrups and the feeling I am about to fall down through it. My woman bits protruding out for all to see. Nice. Nothing to cover me up. I decide not to ask K in, the indignity of it all is just too much. Can't see screen, but noticed it was still an ultrasound from the antiquities. Olga is there and that’s reassuring. Seat goes back. I start to talk, but Olga says I must not speak at all until they say I can. Didn’t expect that. My reaction to feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed is to joke about it. So suffer in silence. I can feel a metal thing go in, like the usual smear test. And then the doctor pressing on my increasingly sore bladder. Can hear a blowing sound. And that seems to be it. Then told not to lift head. Very difficult to heave body off chair/table and onto trolley, without lifting head or talking, but the nurse helps. Wheeled into ward again. Then several help me off trolley on to bed. Am told I must lie and be quiet and must not lift head. After 10 minutes I can go to the loo and then must wait a further 10 minutes before I can leave.
As I lie there, looking at the ceiling and wondering if I could reach my book without moving my head (I couldn’t), I ponder about what we have done. I think about the babies we lost and I hope that this time it will work. I even consider prayer, but I lost my faith the night I lost our first baby and I can’t see it ever coming back. I remember years ago when I was getting married the first time and our vicar told us all about the power of prayer. How he and his wife were very tired and went down on their knees and prayed. The next day he got a letter saying he’d won a holiday. He said, you just have to ask. Well, it seems a strange deity that gives a couple of weeks in Majorca to the vicar who’s a bit tired, but is happy to watch a much wanted baby die. Decide that this time it’s going to be alright and feel very relaxed. Find the little loo at the end of the ward and the relief is tremendous! Another 10 mins of rest and back to my beloved.
Decided to stay in at the hotel. K went out to forage for food and I sleep.
He brings back bananas! Have a snack for dinner in our room and then watched the Jack Black movie, Nacho Libra. Watchable, but pretty useless.
Monday 11 February 2008
In which P gets cross and then good news wins the day
DAY 5
Hurrah - no bleeding. Am now convinced it was the Doctor and her demonic swabbing.
Walking on the compacted ice is treacherous. We constantly slip and have to grab each other – I think my boots (proper hiking boots mind) are worse than K’s army boots. I can’t walk anywhere without looking at the ground – it’s so tricky. The walk to the stores or the tube is the worst. I can’t get used to the young exotic Russians walking about in their stilettos and ordinary shoes, although it does occur to me that the heels of some of them give them some purchase on the ice!
The snow is fairly safe, but that is hard now too. We decide to go to the local mall. What a great place – I just love shopping abroad. My favourite treat is to forage around the supermarkets – I think you can always find exciting little buys there and you can learn a huge amount about how the people of a country really eat and live. K is delighted to go back to the store he bought the kettle – it’s a MASSIVE electrical & gadget store. K’s idea of heaven. Discover the Bouncer on the door won’t let us in unless we leave our bags in one of their secure lockers. Initially feel a bit miffed, but then realize it’s a great idea and leaves us free to walk around. Also, would cut down big time on shop lifting – can’t understand why they don’t do this in the UK.
l decide to buy K a camera for his birthday present, but am horrified when my card is rejected. I feel the cashier thinks I was trying it on, but fortunately K steps in and uses his. We go upstairs to the restaurants floor (all the malls we went to were set up like this) and I try to use my card again (I specifically informed John Lewis that I would be in Russia for the dates) to test it. No luck. So l phone John Lewis (at a shocking rate) and give them what for. NB don’t think that the phone number for International Customer Services, on the back of your card, will be the number you want..no, no, FAR too obvious. I was told (when I finally got through) they only deal with stolen cards. Since the number is on the back of the card I can only assume they expect the thief to drop them a line!!! Phone the ordinary Customer Services number and shout at them. They are completely unapologetic and burble something about another bank being at fault. Idiots. Resolve to stop using the card asap.
Then l phone Olga. Got straight through. 18 of the 20 eggs have fertilised.. 17 doing wel! Am told to bring T-shirt, socks and slippers for tomorrow and have to be there for 10.30. Went to supermarket K had discovered. As always, very interesting. Bought mugs for tea, vodka for J, slippers for me and a couple of gifts. Back to room and relax for an hour or so. Then down to restaurant in hotel for very meaty meal.
Not bad but very expensive. A bottle of wine is average £50! Unbelievable. We had one glass of the cheaper wine – about £7 – and we were glad we didn’t have the bottle. Not pleasant, just drinkable. Have resolved to relax and allow myself the occasional single drink – with a meal – I am not going to get stressed and I am secure in the knowledge that alcohol (even in larger amounts) would and could not effect the outcome of our tx. 2 out of my 3 children were the results of a drunken parties. Get everything ready for tomorrow. One funny thing –
the restaurant was completely empty except for us!
Hurrah - no bleeding. Am now convinced it was the Doctor and her demonic swabbing.
Walking on the compacted ice is treacherous. We constantly slip and have to grab each other – I think my boots (proper hiking boots mind) are worse than K’s army boots. I can’t walk anywhere without looking at the ground – it’s so tricky. The walk to the stores or the tube is the worst. I can’t get used to the young exotic Russians walking about in their stilettos and ordinary shoes, although it does occur to me that the heels of some of them give them some purchase on the ice!
The snow is fairly safe, but that is hard now too. We decide to go to the local mall. What a great place – I just love shopping abroad. My favourite treat is to forage around the supermarkets – I think you can always find exciting little buys there and you can learn a huge amount about how the people of a country really eat and live. K is delighted to go back to the store he bought the kettle – it’s a MASSIVE electrical & gadget store. K’s idea of heaven. Discover the Bouncer on the door won’t let us in unless we leave our bags in one of their secure lockers. Initially feel a bit miffed, but then realize it’s a great idea and leaves us free to walk around. Also, would cut down big time on shop lifting – can’t understand why they don’t do this in the UK.l decide to buy K a camera for his birthday present, but am horrified when my card is rejected. I feel the cashier thinks I was trying it on, but fortunately K steps in and uses his. We go upstairs to the restaurants floor (all the malls we went to were set up like this) and I try to use my card again (I specifically informed John Lewis that I would be in Russia for the dates) to test it. No luck. So l phone John Lewis (at a shocking rate) and give them what for. NB don’t think that the phone number for International Customer Services, on the back of your card, will be the number you want..no, no, FAR too obvious. I was told (when I finally got through) they only deal with stolen cards. Since the number is on the back of the card I can only assume they expect the thief to drop them a line!!! Phone the ordinary Customer Services number and shout at them. They are completely unapologetic and burble something about another bank being at fault. Idiots. Resolve to stop using the card asap.
Then l phone Olga. Got straight through. 18 of the 20 eggs have fertilised.. 17 doing wel! Am told to bring T-shirt, socks and slippers for tomorrow and have to be there for 10.30. Went to supermarket K had discovered. As always, very interesting. Bought mugs for tea, vodka for J, slippers for me and a couple of gifts. Back to room and relax for an hour or so. Then down to restaurant in hotel for very meaty meal.
Not bad but very expensive. A bottle of wine is average £50! Unbelievable. We had one glass of the cheaper wine – about £7 – and we were glad we didn’t have the bottle. Not pleasant, just drinkable. Have resolved to relax and allow myself the occasional single drink – with a meal – I am not going to get stressed and I am secure in the knowledge that alcohol (even in larger amounts) would and could not effect the outcome of our tx. 2 out of my 3 children were the results of a drunken parties. Get everything ready for tomorrow. One funny thing –
the restaurant was completely empty except for us!
Sunday 10 February 2008
In which K goes out to the shops and P has a nasty surprise
DAY 4
Spent a day sitting around on the bed trying to stay calm. Went to reception and asked for Internet – had to go to their little room – sadly, no wifi. Horrified to discover that have been asked for some work – artwork (I’m an artist) and quickly grabbed some paper and set about sketching for a couple of hours. Kat very patiently played around on the other computer. Faxed off illustrations, but was too late for deadline. Typical, no work for months and the day after I leave the Country….grrrrr. Kat went out to one of the local shopping precincts, Pamctop (Ramstor) and found a kettle, so we could make our own tea. He also found a universal remote, so that he could doctor the tv and set up our dvd player to run through it. So we watched Nacho Libra on the big screen.
Down to smoke filled bar – so weird, we’ve got used to having drinks away from all that nicotine and here it is everywhere. Wonder how long before they decide to change it? There seem to be an awful lot more smokers than over here. l had the soup - Kat had goulash, the real thing.
Still bleeding a bit. Beginning to wonder if it was the Doctor and her brutal swabbing that did it. Never had a bleed from that in UK, but am hoping this is the case.
Spent a day sitting around on the bed trying to stay calm. Went to reception and asked for Internet – had to go to their little room – sadly, no wifi. Horrified to discover that have been asked for some work – artwork (I’m an artist) and quickly grabbed some paper and set about sketching for a couple of hours. Kat very patiently played around on the other computer. Faxed off illustrations, but was too late for deadline. Typical, no work for months and the day after I leave the Country….grrrrr. Kat went out to one of the local shopping precincts, Pamctop (Ramstor) and found a kettle, so we could make our own tea. He also found a universal remote, so that he could doctor the tv and set up our dvd player to run through it. So we watched Nacho Libra on the big screen.
Down to smoke filled bar – so weird, we’ve got used to having drinks away from all that nicotine and here it is everywhere. Wonder how long before they decide to change it? There seem to be an awful lot more smokers than over here. l had the soup - Kat had goulash, the real thing.
Still bleeding a bit. Beginning to wonder if it was the Doctor and her brutal swabbing that did it. Never had a bleed from that in UK, but am hoping this is the case.
Saturday 9 February 2008
In which P finds a bargain and K sends his guys into battle
Day 3
Travelled as usual and getting the hang of it.
The tube stations are amazing – you could spend a week just looking at the marble pillars 
and plaster vaulting – 
not to mention the stunning bronze work 
and crystal chandeliers as you get nearer to Moscow centre.
Once at Altra Vita, only had to wait 10 mins. K went off to give sample and came back in 15 mins. 10 mins later, Irina arrived and tried to get him to go again. But it seemed just a mistake in translation and we were told to wait…and wait…and wait. Waited about 1 and a half hours. Fortunately, we took along plenty of books. Irina came back and K's sample was 100% perfect and they had retrieved 20 eggs from donor. All great news. K looked like a man with an upside coathanger in his mouth, grinning from ear to ear – what is it about men and their sperm?
I went to loo and found I was spotting. Felt like I was the one to let the side down. K had done his duty, the donor hers and I couldn’t even trust my body to stop bleeding. Began to feel really depressed. Decided to go sight seeing to Gum & Kremlin. Kept hoping that it would all stop and I’d just imagined it – it was very slight.
The first sight of Red Square with the extraordinary St Basils at the end
just takes your breath away. I loved it. Gum (spelt rym)
was fantastic. The most amazing department store really – a posh mall!
All the main designers are there and you can at least window shop in most – quite a few would not let a couple of jean clad characters like us in! I found a Monsoon with a sale and bought a fabulous heavily sequined and beaded handbag for just £13 in their 70% sale. Quite pleased, bearing in mind the usual prices over there.
Nb if you go to Moscow- you have to see Red Square lit up at night - it's so beautiful
Back to hotel and later went down to Inter bar for a Guinness and a slice of cake. Went to loo again and now red streaks more pronounced, beginning to feel desperate. Went to bed and took the first progesterone – really funny little round tablets that remind me of sweets from my childhood!
Travelled as usual and getting the hang of it.
The tube stations are amazing – you could spend a week just looking at the marble pillars 
and plaster vaulting – 
not to mention the stunning bronze work 
and crystal chandeliers as you get nearer to Moscow centre.Once at Altra Vita, only had to wait 10 mins. K went off to give sample and came back in 15 mins. 10 mins later, Irina arrived and tried to get him to go again. But it seemed just a mistake in translation and we were told to wait…and wait…and wait. Waited about 1 and a half hours. Fortunately, we took along plenty of books. Irina came back and K's sample was 100% perfect and they had retrieved 20 eggs from donor. All great news. K looked like a man with an upside coathanger in his mouth, grinning from ear to ear – what is it about men and their sperm?
I went to loo and found I was spotting. Felt like I was the one to let the side down. K had done his duty, the donor hers and I couldn’t even trust my body to stop bleeding. Began to feel really depressed. Decided to go sight seeing to Gum & Kremlin. Kept hoping that it would all stop and I’d just imagined it – it was very slight.
The first sight of Red Square with the extraordinary St Basils at the end
just takes your breath away. I loved it. Gum (spelt rym)
was fantastic. The most amazing department store really – a posh mall!
All the main designers are there and you can at least window shop in most – quite a few would not let a couple of jean clad characters like us in! I found a Monsoon with a sale and bought a fabulous heavily sequined and beaded handbag for just £13 in their 70% sale. Quite pleased, bearing in mind the usual prices over there.
Nb if you go to Moscow- you have to see Red Square lit up at night - it's so beautiful
Back to hotel and later went down to Inter bar for a Guinness and a slice of cake. Went to loo again and now red streaks more pronounced, beginning to feel desperate. Went to bed and took the first progesterone – really funny little round tablets that remind me of sweets from my childhood!
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